


One and the Same

by Emptynarration



Series: One and the Same [1]
Category: Youtube RPF, Youtube egos
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Eye Gouging, Eye Trauma, Fear, Fear of Death, Fights, Gen, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Torture, Manipulation, Multiple Personalities, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Past Violence, Psychological Trauma, Scars, Torture, Trauma, Trust Issues, implied/referenced trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-06 12:28:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20507003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emptynarration/pseuds/Emptynarration
Summary: The Author developed a second personality, to protect him from the trauma he's went through.He remembers who was at fault, but not what they did.Host remembers what they did, but not who it was.But Author wants revenge, for whatever happened, and he hunts them down, hurts them.But Host is forced to go through another trauma yet again...





	1. Meeting for the first time

He had no idea where he was.

It happened more often than not, if you dare imagine, that he had no clue where he was. He knew Author did most things of their life, because, he supposed, he was the second one in this body, and not Author. He was the one born from trauma, not Author. He was the one with the memories of pain. Not Author.  
And now, he wasn't in the forest. He couldn't hear the birds, the animals. He couldn't feel the slight draft from their cabin. Author's cabin. It didn't matter who's. He could feel the weight of the bat in his hand, though, and his blind gaze was looking around almost frantically. Golden eyes confused, not knowing where he was, and why.

“What do _you_ want here?”, a voice sneered at him, and Host's grip tightened around the bat on instinct. He looked towards the voice -it was weird, not human, and confused him even more- helpless.  
“The Host has no idea where he is.”, Host replied, taking a small step back. Where was he? Who was here with him? What was happening? He was confused, and a little scared, and he wanted to go _home_.  
The voice scoffed, and Host felt uncomfortable. They were in... in some sort of bigger room. There was the man talking to him, monochrome, dark, glitching? Blue and red, broken- and there were... twins? Cowering in a corner, afraid, afraid of him? Of Author? And he could hear something else, someone else, steps, a pink man, madness glinting in his eyes, mind broken-  
“What are you playing now? You're not _welcome_ here.”, the dark man growled at him, and Host took a step back, holding his bat close, but not in any way threatening -more like a comfort item.  
“Th-the Host doesn't understand.”, Host tried again, blind gaze unfocused, letting it rest on the ground, not wanting to appear as helpless as he was. The bat would do for a cane -it was what he had first done when he needed to get around somewhere new.

“Didn't know anyone had invited you today.”, the pink man said, and Host bit his lip, uncomfortable. _Scared_. He could feel the tears -the _blood_\- welling up in his eyes, emotions overwhelming, and he hated this, he hated being here, these people hated _him_.  
“The Host- he- has no clue who these people around him are.”, he said quietly, almost whimpering, and he could feel himself trembling. These people, they looked at him with such _hatred_, like they wanted to murder him and rip him apart any second, and it was _terrifying_.  
“Host, huh? Funny new alias you got there.”, the pink one continued, while the dark one seemed to brood, Host could _feel_ it, the energy, the man's anger and rage swamping over him.  
“The- th-the Host is- is _not_ the- the Author.”, Host said, obviously terrified of these people, though they didn't seem to care in the slightest. They thought- they thought he was acting, he was the Author, he was here for- _something_, and it hurt Host to think about it.

Bloody tears began rolling down his cheeks, and he could feel the confusion in the pink man's gaze as he watched, though the monochromic one didn't seem to waver from his feelings.  
“Dark? Wilford? What's going on?”, a new voice joined, and Host swallowed, gripping his bat tight, holding it closely against himself, and his Sight flashed, showing him another one of them, a man in a white coat, with a head mirror and a stethoscope around his neck, and Host guessed he was a doctor figure.  
The doctor's attention was quickly pulled to Host though, because there was literally blood dripping from his chin onto his black shirt, and -disregarding how Dark and Wilford tried to stop him- hurried over to Host.

“You're bleeding! Are you alright?”, the doctor asked, and Host flinched violently backwards when Edward's fingers graced his skin.  
“Th-the Host is fine.”, he said quietly. He knew it was weird, but it was just... just how it was, it was a part of him, of Author, and it was the reason why Author _never_ let himself cry if he could avoid it somehow.  
“Are you sure? But-”  
“_Edward_. Get _away_ from him.”, the dark man growled, and Host whimpered quietly, the doctor -Edward- turning to face... probably Dark, if Host were to guess.  
“He's _bleeding_. I have to make sure he's alright.”, he argued, and Host took another step backwards, just wanting to leave, to go home, go back where he knew where he was and could be alone.

“Could- could the doctor please just.. just help the Host to the door?”, Host asked quietly, catching Edward's attention again. He looked to him, sympathy and pain in his gaze, but he nodded lightly.  
“Of course, Host.”, Edward said softly, and Host was feeling just a tad better already just being called his name, and not being feared and hated. He wondered why they hated Author so much, what was wrong with him, with _them_.  
Dark and Wilford glared at him as Edward lead him to the front door, a gentle hand on his arm, and it made him relax slightly. He was scared, and confused, and he just wanted to go back to the cabin.

“Are you sure you're alright?”, Edward asked softly when they were at the door. Host smiled weakly, glad for the concern.  
“The Host is certain. He thanks the doctor for the help.”, Host replied softly, and Edward smiled lightly, glad to see Host feel a little better. The flow of blood had also stopped, as it looked like.  
“The... the Host asks Edward to please.. please know the Host is the Host. He's blind, and not the Author. He's... he's sorry for whatever the Author has done to make everyone here hate him and the Host.”, Host said softly, and Edward frowned slightly, nodding slowly.  
“I don't know what they're on about either, but... I believe you. You're the Host. And it was a pleasure meeting you.”, Edward said, and he couldn't help but smile softly as the Host smiled softly as well. It was just nice to know someone believed him, while he was surrounded by so much hate.

The Host left, then, bat carefully tapping on the ground in front of him, just until he found the forest and knew again where he was. He had no clue what had just happened, why this had happened, but he was pretty scared still.  
Those people had hated him with their entire being, clearly more than happy to murder him and shred him to pieces if given an opportunity. It scared him, and he didn't know why. He had no clue what Author may have done to make them hate him _so much_.

-

Host was muttering to himself as he walked, as he always did. While the Author wrote, the Host spoke. He knew Author was unaware his powers worked like that, because he was firmly believing that his writing was doing all the work. How, please, did he think his voice was heard by the characters? He certainly didn't write his conversations with the characters he has down, after all.  
He huffed to himself, shaking his head. No, Author was living in a delusion, both from how he thought of his powers, and because he had _literally_ developed Host to repress some trauma he had gone through. Host remembered it clear as day, of course, because he was the one burdened with the knowledge, and not _Author_.

What a coward.

Once finally at home, Host sighed, running a hand through his hair. He didn't like it being short, but Author didn't like it _long_ either. They had come to a sort of middle with it, where it wasn't as short when Host had first come into existence, but also not as long as Host would like. It was better than fighting over it though.

It happened very rarely, and usually only ever when _Host_ was the one aware and in control. That Author.. was also, to some extent, aware. He couldn't see, or move, or something, but he knew Host's thoughts. And he wrangled through control to push Host back, and if Host pushed back as well, they switched back and forth and could yell at each other.

And Host could feel Author nagging in the back of his mind, and he knew he'd wrangle for control quickly.  
“Who were those people? Why did they seem to hate you that much?”, Host asked -only ever dropping the third person with Author. They were the same person after all, and Host didn't see the reason to try and use their powers while talking with Author.  
Speaking off, he pushed Host out of their head, taking over, though Host didn't back down as he most usually did.  
“It doesn't matter! You can care less about them.”, Author growled, angry, gripping his bat tightly. Their bat. The lines were blurry, between his and theirs.  
“It does! If it happens again, I want to know why they hate you and are afraid of you!”, Host yelled back, pushing Author down long enough to do so.  
“_Fine_. They're egos. Happy?”, Author walked to the desk, though stumbled when Host pushed through again.  
“No! Why did they react like that?”, Host demanded to know, letting himself be pushed down again, but not _out_. He wanted to know, and if Author didn't tell him, he would nag him long enough that he _would_.

“Shut the fuck up!”, Author yelled, and managed to push Host down, growling to himself as he gripped his pen to scribble something down, needing to let his anger out.  
Arguing with himself. He hated it more than anything, because Host was _a part of him_. He knew why Host was there, though he didn't remember the event that caused it. Only Host knew, and Host seemed to know pretty much everything about them.

Besides the thing with the other egos, at the very least.

Host knew Author was sadistic, and liked to hurt people; he had seen the remains of people Author had smashed to a bloody pulp, or had written their end for the book they starred in. But he was fully unaware that the _egos_ had also been at the mercy of Author's writing.  
At least three of them had been.

Shouldering his bat, Author made his way outside. He'd go let his anger out first, and then he could worry about other things.

He had to find some way to keep Host away. Usually, it only happened... Author wasn't sure. He would guess when something triggered him, but perhaps it was also randomly. He just had to find a way to keep him from taking over when he... well, was going to “visit” the other egos.  
Author couldn't risk Host seeing them again, but he also never knew when it happened. And if Host hadn't confronted him over it, he might not have realized what had happened. He would've merely thought he hadn't gone yet.

But how could he keep a part of himself out? He wasn't sure, but he damn well wanted to try. Host shouldn't get near the other egos again, he _had_ to keep him away. Maybe... maybe he could use his writing. Write so Host can't take over when he's near the other egos.  
He had no clue if it would work, though. He had used his writing on himself before, but never about anything mentally like that. Making himself stronger, or healing, that he could do. But he's never tried anything else.

He would, though. Next time he planned on visiting the egos, he would. But, he'd have to wait at least a few days. Since he had just been there -even if it had been Host, and not him- he didn't want the egos to be too cautious of him coming again soon.

He had no clue what Host might do if he was with the egos again. Truthfully, if Host gained their trust, and he could push Host down again... well, he'd be right in their home, and they would have their guard down around him.  
Maybe it wouldn't be too bad of an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk man i had this idea and i reaaaalllyyyy wanted to have it  
because it's just so!!! interesting!!!!!  
so ye here u go


	2. Hello doctor...

Host sat alone in their study, sitting at the desk, arms crossed.

It was always a struggle between the two. Either one of them were fighting the other, though Author was usually the one who fought against Host. He only really let him be when he was too tired to fight back -and that mostly meant Host was in control when they got to _sleep_.  
And because _he_ was the trauma holder, he suffered through nightmares and bad dreams, and never got really rested. Of course Author didn't either, but he didn't really care. He was just glad that when he wasn't in control, that sleep happened, and he could push himself to stay awake.

So he was really tired, but he also didn't want to sleep. What he wanted, was to find the manor again, and get to know them, and know why they hated Author so much.  
But he was also afraid that they would hurt him, and just thinking about that made him terrified. He didn't look towards getting hurt and being hated, so he didn't really want to meet them again.

He sighed, standing up and going out. Maybe a walk in the forest would calm him down.

Host walked around, quietly mumbling to himself. He wanted to know why the other egos hated Author, he wanted to know why some of them were afraid of Author, he wanted to know what Author had _done to them_.  
He wondered if he... if he had hurt them. They were egos, just like them, so why would he do that? Why would he hurt them so much that everyone seemed to hate him? Edward must be newer then, since he neither hated Author nor was afraid of him. Host didn't know much about how egos worked, but... He just wanted to know.  
He did feel rather lonely, truthfully. He just wanted a friend, someone to talk to. Author was _awfully_ alone, and it bothered Host. It wasn't a lot of fun to be all by himself, unable to do much.

He was startled when his narrations revealed that there was someone else. He stopped walking, murmuring softly until it was revealed to him who was there.

It was Edward.

Doctor Edward Iplier, just taking a stroll through the forest, humming to himself. Host immediately narrated that the doctor would be safe, because the forest _wasn't safe_, it was littered with monsters Author had written into existence for his characters to be chased by.  
His cabin was safe due to their powers _making_ it safe, but generally anyone entering it was anything _but_ safe. Unless they found the safe paths Author had made sure were there. He and Host knew where they were, of course, but no one else should.

Once done, Host could feel some blood gathered in his eyes, and he pulled down one of their sleeves to wipe his eyes, not wanting the blood to run down. He wasn't sure if he wanted -if he was brave enough to go talk to Edward. He had been nice to him before, so he supposed he could trust Edward wouldn't do anything bad, but he was still a little afraid.

And then Edward noticed him, becoming startled himself, before slowly approaching.  
“Host?”, he questioned, and Host relaxed a little bit, noting how he had tensed up immensely when Edward had noticed him.  
“The Host assures Edward it's him.”, Host replied softly and nodded. Edward relaxed, becoming less cautious, and walked over to Host properly then.  
“I'm glad. I didn't know you would be here.”, he said and smiled lightly.  
“The Host and Author live in a cabin in this forest.”, Host explained, and Edward nodded lightly.  
“I see. Well, I'm glad I met you again.”, the doctor said, and smiled, and Host couldn't help but smile lightly as well. It was... it was nice, that Edward was glad to see him again.

“I was curious about you two ever since you came to the manor. The others told me to stay away from you, but they also don't believe you're someone else from Author.”, Edward said, watching Host curiously as he did. He noted how Host didn't seem to try and track where sounds came from, looking unfocused in front of him, or to the ground.  
“The Host and the Author are separate. We merely happen to inhabit the same body at the same time.”, Host said and shrugged slightly. “The Author has gone through trauma, which created the Host to protect him. The Host isn't very happy about it, but he cannot change it either.”.  
“Oh. And you remember it, while Author doesn't?”, Edward asked, clearly curious about it all. Host didn't mind at all, he was just glad someone actually believed him.  
“Correct.”, Host confirmed and nodded. Edward hummed, nodding to himself. It wasn't like a normal mental illness, he supposed, though still very strange. Considering they were egos, he wasn't surprised.

“The Host... the Host wondered about why the other egos seemed to hate the Author. Host has never met the egos before, and he doesn't know what Author had done to them to make them so angry and afraid of him.”, Host said then, scratching around his eyes lightly, his blind gaze falling to the ground.  
“Oh. Yeah, they.. they told me.”, Edward said, shifting in place. “Apparently Author hurt the King and the Jim twins an _awful_ lot, and... just very badly. Dark and Wilford are very mad and protective of them now because of it, and.. well, they think Author is pretending to be someone else when you had been there.”.

Host licked his lips, nodding lightly. He had suspected so, but hearing it was true was... it was horrible. He really wanted the others to know that he wasn't the Author, he was someone else, someone who's never met them before. But he also knew Author could switch over at any moment, and he wouldn't have much of a warning to give or time to leave.  
“The Host is really sorry about the Author's actions.”, Host said softly, and Edward smiled lightly.  
“It's not your fault. I'm certain you'd never hurt anyone.”, Edward reassured Host, and it made him feel a little better. It was... nice to hear, that he wasn't at fault.  
“The Host thanks Edward.”, Host managed a soft smile, knowing it was reciprocated.

“Of course, Host. You're not him, and your situation is really complicated.”, Edward smiled, and Host nodded lightly. It still made the blind ego happy that Edward didn't thought he was as terrible as Author, or that he could've done something to stop it from happening.  
“The Host wondered if Edward would like to... to walk with him? The Host is... rather lonely. He'd love t have some company and get to know the doctor. And- and he can tell when the Author will come back, most likely.”, Host asked then, biting his lip, scratching at his eye again.  
“Oh, I'd love to! And I'm certain it will be okay.”, Edward replied, clearly excited about the idea, and nodded. Host smiled happily, hands twisting together, before they started to walk together.

“How long have you been around, if I might ask? Uhm- I guess you and Author both?”, Edward asked then and laughed a little awkward laugh. “Sorry if that was... I don't know, rude?”.  
“The Host reassured Edward it wasn't.”, Host said and smiled lightly, Edward nodding lightly. “The Author was... probably the second to appear after Dark, Wilford, and the Jims had come to the manor. The King having been before him.”, Host answered then, Edward nodding along. “The Host... he doesn't think he's that old. How long has Edward been here?”.  
“I think... a few months now?”, Edward shrugged lightly. He didn't exactly keep track of time, though Host seemed to understand, nodding.  
“The Host can't be much older than the doctor, then. He doesn't believe so at the very least.”.  
Edward hummed, nodding lightly. It was interesting, very much so, but he also liked to get to know the Host better. From what he's heard from the Author, Host was very different.

“So, what do you and Author do? You're all alone out here?”, Edward asked after a minute or so, the two enjoying their peaceful walk together.  
“The Author is quite literally an author. He writes stories and books. Though, what he writes affects reality, and he tortures real people as his protagonists. Either driving them insane, or killing them.”, Host answered, hands tugging at his sleeves. Author kept them pushed up, and he always pulled them down again. “The Host doesn't really do much. He's usually in control when Author is too tired to keep him pushed down, so he is usually the one sleeping. Being the trauma holder, the Host suffers from terrible nightmares, leaving them restless.”.  
Host shrugged lightly, sighing softly. “The Host likes to take walks through the forest and play violin. There isn't much more he can do.”.

“Oh! The violin! That sounds wonderful.”, Edward smiled at Host, and Host smiled weakly as well. He knew Edward avoided talking about Author and the terrible things he did, and instead just... focused on Host.  
“The Host greatly enjoys playing. It's very soothing, and easy to do without being able to see.”, Host said and smiled softly. He did greatly enjoy it, and he knew Author didn't much care for it.  
“I can't play any instruments. I sort of paint, though.”, Edward said and chuckled lightly. “I'm not really any good at it though.”.  
“The Host would like to tell Edward that any form of art is beautiful, and while what Edward creates might not appear like what the doctor imagines it to be like, it can still be very beautiful for other people. Even if Edward may not think it is.”.  
Edward blushed, embarrassed and a little flustered, and swatted his hand at Host lightly, making him chuckle softly.  
“Okay okay, fine.”, he said and smiled softly. Host smiled lightly back, before he froze.

Edward immediately grew concerned, stopping his walking as well.  
“Host? Is everything alright?”, he asked, worried. He may not know Host a whole lot, but of course he was still really worried about him.  
“It's Author.”, Host said quietly, scratching at his eyes with both hands. “Leave. Please.”, his voice was quiet, weak, as he struggled with himself. He didn't want Edward to be in danger, he didn't know what Author would do to Edward. He had made sure he had no pen in his pockets.  
“I can't just leave you here like this!”, Edward was very much distressed over it, he didn't want to leave Host! Though he also didn't know what to do, or what he could do. Should do.

The Host -was it still Host?- shook his head, looking around disoriented. When he spotted Edward though, eyes focusing on him, a grin spread over his lips.  
“Hello doctor..”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really really like this idea lol  
it's so nice  
it's such a good idea i cannot get over this lol  
excited for more!!!


	3. Keeping you

Edward swallowed, watching as Author pushed up his sleeves over his elbows again, and ran his hand through his hair. His golden eyes piercing through Edward, like he was trying to look right into him.  
It was scary, how drastically different Host and Author were. Host was, obviously, blind, but he also seemed uncomfortable in the body he was in. Author was obviously the one person comfortable being himself, in his body.

“I suppose you're the Author, then?”, Edward asked, looking over Author's form. They might still be the same person, but they held each other so differently. Host seemed to try and make himself smaller, hiding himself in his clothes as much as he could. Author filled them, stood straight and overly confident as it appeared.  
Edward did note the scars littering Author's arms, though, now not hidden by his sleeves any more. A lot of just nooks and accidental injuries probably, but Edward could also spot a lot of similar lines, that made him ache for Host. No way they were of Author's doing.

“That I am. And you must be the new ego I've heard so much about.”, Author hummed, grinning as he walked closer to Edward. He could feel that he didn't have a pen on him, which was a shame, but to be expected. Host only rarely had a pen on him while outside, knowing Author was half way defenceless without one. Too bad he didn't have his bat with him either.  
“It's.. nice to meet you, I suppose.”, Edward said and sighed lightly. He wasn't particularly scared of Author, though he certainly had heard enough horror stories about him. And he might have read a book or two of his to get to know more about him without actually knowing him.  
Author laughed lightly, running a hand through his hair again. “Nice indeed. Edward, right? How nice to know there's a doctor to take care of my toys now.”, he hummed with a grin, and Edward made a face, taking a step back.  
“They are certainly not your toys, but _I_ am certainly here to take care of everyone who needs help.”, Edward replied, tugging on his coat. Author merely laughed, shaking his head lightly.  
“Whatever you believe.”, Author hummed with a grin, and Edward rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

Edward should probably go home now, seeing how he doubted he'd enjoy spending time with Author. He could tell the others maybe that he met Host, and since he wasn't hurt, maybe they'd start to believe him. Host was someone entirely different from Author, and he clearly didn't want to hurt anyone.  
Though he would guess the others might as well say it was a trick to get him to trust him, so... perhaps he shouldn't actually tell them. They didn't seem very open to the idea that there might be someone else in Author's body.

“I'll just go home now, then.”, Edward said, and turned to leave. Author though grabbed Edward's wrist, _tightly_, and stopped him from leaving. Edward winced slightly, feeling his bones grinding against another, and turned back to look at Author.  
“I was _greatly_ enjoying your company, doctor. I'd much prefer if you _stayed_.”, Author hummed, smirking, and Edward shook his head, though didn't try to pull his hand away.  
“I would much rather leave, thank you very much.”, he said, and Author laughed, his grip tightening, and Edward grit his teeth. Author was strong, and he knew that would be bruising by the end of the day.

Author yanked at Edward's arm, making him stumble forward, and Author took a step forward as well, the two of them close together now. Edward was immediately uncomfortable, as Author's golden eyes bored into him, his grip tight on his wrist.  
“And I want to _keep you_.”, Author growled, and Edward tried his hardest not to appear afraid. Author blinked then, brows furrowing together, and he looked away, as if confused, and his grip loosened.  
Edward waited for a few moments, watching. If he guessed from what happened when Author took over Host, maybe it was happening again? Or maybe, Host was fighting against him to help him get away.

Edward pushed against Author with his free hand while pulling at the one Author was holding, causing him to stumble back and let go of his wrist. Immediately, Edward turned around and ran, knowing he couldn't have much time before Author recovered. And if he didn't think he could catch Edward, he hopefully wouldn't try and chase after him.

Thankfully, his thoughts seemed to be right, because after a few minutes Edward slowed, panting, and looked behind him. He couldn't see Author, and he couldn't hear him either, so he hoped he was safe.  
He looked at his wrist, wincing. That was going to bruise really ugly, and he had to hide it from the others. He had no explanation for it after all, and he wasn't going to tell them what he had done here today with Host and Author. They wouldn't believe him anyways, and he didn't want them to hate Author further -because that'd mean they'd hate Host further as well, and he desperately needed to avoid that.  
He wanted Host to have a chance with them, because he seemed like he truly just wanted to be a part of their little... he guessed they were sort of like a family. And Host wasn't a part of that, because the Author wasn't, and the Author would never be. But Host was lonely -he had said so himself- and he wanted to be with the others, at least get to know them and have them believe him that he wasn't the Author.

Edward sighed heavily, making his way back to the manor then, pulling his sleeve down as much as he could. He'd just go to his room first and get a sweater or something to hide his wrist. Bandaging it probably too, though that would be just as suspicious as not doing it when they saw it.  
He just hoped that no one would notice it, and if they did, he could explain it somehow.


	4. Protecting who?

Host was breathing heavily when he was shoved into their body, Author going off and hiding or whatever the fuck it was he did. Immediately a sharp pain filled Host's back, and he felt the warmth soaking into his shirt and slowly into his pants.  
“For fucks sake..”, Host muttered, breathing heavily.

They got shot. _Author_ got shot, and left _him_ to take care of it. As he always did, stupid asshole.  
He knew they weren't going to die, but they _also_ weren't going to have a good time if they weren't going to _do anything about it_. And since it was Host left in control, he had to somehow get them safe or they'd be suffering for _quite_ some time.

Gritting his teeth, Host pushed himself off the ground, wincing at the feeling of the blood. It had gathered quite a bit beneath them, and he felt himself getting dizzy just standing up. It hurt, fuck did it hurt, and he hoped he'd get out of this without any lasting damage. Though he wasn't certain about that.  
He stumbled out of the cabin, leaving a trail of blood behind, trying to get... he wasn't sure. The mansion? Edward would help him, even if none of the others would. He wasn't sure if he could actually get the help he needed though.  
He used his narrations to make sure that Edward would find him, no matter if he got to the mansion to be awaited by Edward or he'd collapse somewhere here on the way. He'd be found.

It began to rain while he was outside, just making the whole situation _worse_. The cold slowly seeping into his bones, his black shirt not just soaked with blood now, but also water. He pushed his hair back, slick with rain, breathing heavily. He was in pain, and already pushing his luck with a bullet inside of him.  
Somehow it had missed all his vital organs, as it seemed, and having been shot in his back meant no vital vein was hit either. But that didn't mean the bullet couldn't still do danger, with him moving so much, and that he might not bleed out. There were still risks, and he needed to get help, and that as soon as he could. He didn't fancy trying to use their power to heal them -he wasn't sure if that would even work, honestly.

The rain grew heavier and his mind fuzzier, and already he knew Edward would find him here in the forest, because he wouldn't make it to the manor. The rain made the ground slippery, and he had to walk slower because of that, or else he'd fall. And that would _hurt_, because there was no way it wouldn't.  
He was breathing heavily, and he was wobbly on his feet, steps uncertain. He was swaying slightly as he walked, and with another step he almost slipped and fell. He shook his head, letting himself sit down beneath a tree, hissing at the pain from his back. Fuck it hurt.  
Fuck it _hurt_. He was still bleeding, and hurting, and his thoughts were fuzzy and straying, getting away from him. He was going to pass out, and he just _hoped_ that he'd still be in control once waking up again.

-

Edward found himself leaving the manor, umbrella in hand. He just... felt like a walk? It was weird, he felt compelled to do this, but he didn't really mind. A break from the hectic manor would always be good, and the rain pattering onto the umbrella was soothing his nerves. He just let fate decide where he was going, or whatever was leading him.

He noticed Host sitting beneath a tree then, looking rather limp. Immediately he became concerned, but Edward didn't know if it was Host or Author.  
“Host?”, he called, hoping, and walking towards him. When he didn't get a reply, nor any movements, he hurried over to him. He could see the blood on his back now, and he cursed, gently tilting Host forward to get a look.  
“Fuck. What happened?”, Edward muttered, finding the bullet hole. Carefully, Edward picked him up, uncaring about the umbrella now as he needed both arms to carry the other man, and he hurried to get back to the manor.

He got into the manor, but pretty much immediately there was coincidentally Google. The android eyed Edward, eyes narrowing when he saw Host in his arms.  
“What are you doing?”, Google asked, and Edward scoffed. As he moved forward, Google blocked his way.  
“I'm saving a life.”, Edward replied, glaring at Google. “Or at least _I'm trying._”.  
“You are carrying a very dangerous individual.”, Google just glared right back at Edward.  
“He's been _shot!_ He's _bleeding out!_ And he's _one of us_.”, Edward said, growling slightly. He was very protective over saving people's lifes, and Host's blood was already soaking into his sleeve. “_And_ there's a very innocent individual trapped inside this body alongside Author, and I'm _not_ letting him die.”.

Google scoffed, crossing his arms. “I do not believe that.”.  
“I don't give a shit what you believe! Either you let me pass right this second, or I'll go out and try and find Host's home to help him.”, Edward threatened, and Google shifted, before he sighed and stepped out of the way. Edward immediately hurried to get to the clinic, and Google followed, if only to make sure Edward was safe.

Edward managed to get the bullet out of Host and stop the bleeding, everything wrapped up nice and tight. He dried him off as well, and got him out of his wet clothes -Edward just gave him something of his own, uncaring about seeing the other undressed, he was a doctor after all. He just had to wake up now.  
Of course Edward was worried, but Host was alive and breathing. He was mostly worried about Author now, because what would he do if Author was the one to wake up? He supposed Google was there to save him if anything happened.

-

Host woke up the next day, in pain. Of course it would hurt, he had been shot. But he was alive, which was good, and he was in a bed, so he supposed he had made it to the manor. Or rather, Edward had found him and brought him here.  
He rubbed his eyes, groaning as the movement from his arms stretched his back and made his wound hurt.  
“Host?”, the voice of Edward, hesitantly calling out to him. Host was glad he was the one to wake up, though he guessed it was because he was still hurt.  
“The Host reassures Edward that it's okay.”, Host said, voice a little scratchy. He could hear Edward's sigh of relief, and the step coming closer then.

“Oh goodness. I'm- glad.”, Edward said and chuckled lightly, a little awkward perhaps. Host smiled lightly towards the doctor.  
“The Host reassures Edward that it's okay. He can understand being afraid of the Author.”, he said, and Edward nodded lightly. He just didn't want to be... rude, he supposed. Host was a part of Author, and Author a part of Host.  
“What happened? I found you passed out in the forest...”, Edward asked then, gently helping Host to sit up and lean against some pillows, making sure Host wasn't in too much pain.  
“The Author got shot by a rogue character, and left the Host in charge to take care of it.”, Host replied, wincing when he was leaned back, his back hurting before he got used to it. It wasn't worse than laying down.

“Wow. Uhm.”, Edward licked his lips, nodding lightly. “The others aren't happy you're here. But I'm not letting them throw you out while you're hurt.”.  
Host smiled lightly. “The Host thanks Edward. He wouldn't have made it if not for the doctor.”, he said softly, and Edward chuckled softly.  
“Of course. I'm just glad I managed to help.”, Edward said and smiled lightly. He was glad Host was alright, and that it was Host that was awake now, and not Author. He just hoped that Author wasn't going to show up soon.  
“The Host believes it'd be best to leave. He doesn't want to risk anyone getting hurt.”, Host said then, shifting slightly to sit up properly, but Edward gently pushed him down again.  
“No no, you stay here. It's okay. Google is always just a word away if Author shows up and I'm in danger, okay? It's okay.”, Edward said softly, and while Host seemed anxious, he nodded lightly.

“The Host trusts Edward.”, Host said softly and nodded. If Edward said he'd be okay here, Host trusted him. He'd just stay here as long as he had to, before he would go back to the cabin. He really didn't want to risk Edward getting hurt.  
“Good. I'll get mad if you try and leave.”, Edward said with a smile, and Host chuckled lightly.  
“The Host will do his best to be good, then.”, Host replied with a light smile. Edward chuckled and nodded.  
“I'll get some food for you. You've been asleep for a whole day.”, Edward said then, making his way to the door.  
“The Host would appreciate that. He thanks Edward.”, Host said softly, and Edward hummed, nodding, before he left.

While Edward was away, Host felt the familiar nagging feeling of Author in his mind. He pressed the palm of his hands into his eyes, groaning. First Author left him bleeding out, then he wanted to get back as soon as they were somewhat okay again?  
“Just stay away.”, Host muttered, but Author, of course, didn't listen. Host was pushed back, but he tried to fight against him nonetheless.

Author rubbed his eyes when he was the one in control, wincing at the pain from their injury, and he looked around curiously. The clinic, huh? He was rather certain Edward must have had problems getting him here with the others hating him.  
Thinking of the doctor, he was quick to appear back in the clinic, and immediately noticed the difference. It was hard not to, since Author looked at him and those golden eyes boring into him? Hard not to notice.

“Hello Author.”, Edward said, and Author smiled, and it seemed _wrong_ on his face. Like Edward _knew_ he and Host were _literally_ the same body, but when Author smiled at him it was so different than when Host smiled. Something about it just... itched him the wrong way.  
“Hello doctor.”, Author replied, his eyes sweeping over the doctor, before landing on the plate he was carrying. Author motioned to it with a questioning glance, and Edward fidgeted, before walking over.  
“Here. You've been passed out the entire last day.”, Edward told Author, who eyed the grilled sandwich, before taking it.  
“Thank you _very_ much.”, Author said, and somehow it sounded sarcastic, and Edward really didn't like that. It was weird, and Author was weird, and he wasn't sure what to do with this situation.

“You know if you try anything the other's will freak.”, Edward said after a minute of silence, and Author laughed, shaking his head.  
“Of course I know that. I'm not stupid. I won't get out of bed until I'm not in so much pain anymore.”, Author replied. He wouldn't attempt anything until Host had gained their trust, of course, and then...  
“Good. And don't cause me any trouble either, I'm just here to help.”, Edward said and exhaled deeply. Author just needed to heal for a few days tops before he should be safe to leave.  
“Yes yes, of course doctor. I'd never _dream_ of hurting you.”, Author said and laughed lightly, and Edward grimaced, feeling not too good about that laugh. The others had told him what Author had done to them, and... he really didn't want himself to get hurt.

“I have a question.”, Edward said after a while, where he had just taken the time to change Author's bandages, the man thankfully compliant.  
“Yes?”, Author replied, and it almost shocked Edward, though also not really.  
“What caused Host to appear? I haven't asked him yet, but, it must've been some sort of trauma, right?”, Edward asked, looking at Author as he finished tying the bandages around Author's chest.  
Author looked away from Edward, quiet, face solem. Edward looked at him, worried that his question might have been too insensitive.  
“I'm sorry, that was probably really rude of me. You don't have to answer.”, he said, and Author huffed a laugh, looking up at Edward with... some emotion shining in his eyes that made Edward wonder who Author really was.

“I don't remember.”, he said, shaking his head lightly, looking away again. “I remember who did it, but not _what_. I guess Host knows that.”, his voice was quiet, and he seemed oddly vulnerable like this, making Edward feel conflicted.  
“And... who..?”, Edward asked carefully, clearly not pressuring Author into answering if he didn't want to.  
“The others.”, Author said, licking his lips. “Funny, ain't it?”.  
“The... others?”, Edward was confused. Did he mean... the other egos? Dark, and Wilford, and Google and such?  
“I just want to get revenge on them. For whatever they've done, they'll _pay_.”, Author muttered, face turning dark, and Edward looked at him again, kind of... really conflicted. What had they done to Author? What had they done that caused him to have Host to protect his mind from it? Something he couldn't remember anymore?  
“I'm excluded from that?”, Edward asked, maybe because he just hoped to lift the mood, maybe as a serious question, he wasn't sure himself.  
“For the time being.”, Author replied, and Edward chuckled lightly, smiling.  
“Good.”.

Their conversation stayed on Edward's mind the whole day. The other egos had hurt him? Had hurt him _badly?_ But _why?_ Author had hurt them before, at least that was what the others told him. What if they hadn't? What if they were just _lying_ to him?  
Maybe they had hurt Author, and thus Author wanted to get revenge on that. But what had they done? Should he ask Host what happened? He wondered how Host would react if he knew the others had caused their trauma, which only he seemed to remember.  
He wondered if Author would remember their trauma if he got in a similar situation again?

Edward was worried about keeping him here now. Not because he was afraid Author would hurt anyone, but because someone might want to hurt _Author_.  
Maybe he had to protect _him_ from the _others_, and not the other way around. Maybe he wasn't the one in danger, but Author and Host were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after eighty years i return  
and i come  
with a good idea  
for their trauma  
and that is motivating me at this late hour


	5. Revenge

Edward was very hesitant to leave Author alone now. The man was hurt, and as much as Edward knew about his powers, it required writing to happen. And the others would kill him if he gave Author a pen -funny how he thought that, now that he wasn't sure anymore what the others might actually do to him if he helped Author more than he already did.  
But Edward had to leave the clinic eventually, if only to go eat something -he could technically sleep here after all, and the clinic had its own little bathroom. And Google was, most of the time, standing outside the clinic, on guard. Or so he said, of course.

Edward was questioning everything now. Who could he trust? He supposed Host, right? Host was kind through and through, as far as Edward knew, and no one believed Host was actually there. Other than himself and Author, because they witnessed Host and knew him.  
If Host told him about their trauma, Edward could tell if it really were the other egos or not. Even if Host didn't remember them doing it anymore, Edward was also definitely not going to tell him. He didn't know what that might cause.  
He hoped the two of them would be okay, in the end. Maybe Author was right to want revenge on the other egos. Sure, Edward wasn't promoting hurting anyone, but... maybe Author had legitimate reasons to want to do it.  
He wasn't sure, he wasn't sure what he should believe and what not.

So Edward spend most of the next two days in the clinic, doing paper work and looking after Author. Host didn't appear again in that time, which only sort of worried him. Author told him that it's fine, and there's no reason to worry. Whenever one of them is pushed down -he called it like that- it was like they were sleeping. Sometimes they woke suddenly and were disoriented, and sometimes they woke slowly and got aware of things.

Author clearly wanted to leave as soon as possible, and since he was doing better now, he did. Edward tried to make him stay some days longer, but Author was _very_ insistent on leaving. Edward let him then, making sure to walk out with him, so that nothing would happen.  
He watched, then, as Author left. Walking into the forest alone, hiding his pain.

Edward hadn't brought it up, but Author did have a lot of scars the doctor couldn't explain. He's seen similar scars on both of Author's hands, both on the palm and the back of them, which seemed like they were the same, just on either side of his hand. There were other scars on his back and sides that looked... strange. Methodical, in a way, like someone hurt him for the sake of hurting him. It worried Edward, but he hadn't asked. He didn't want to cause any memories, or... be told Host would know.  
He was a little... afraid, perhaps was the word, about what all Host had gone through. He was worried about it, what all happened, what had caused Host to appear and carry most of the trauma.

The doctor didn't ask the other egos about the information he had gotten either. He was pretty sure they would deny it, tell him Author was trying to get him to sympathize, and he shouldn't trust him. So he kept quiet, and just waited to see Author or Host again.  
He did take to take walks through the forest now and then. He hoped he might catch either of them again, because he was worried, and he knew Author would try something to get into the manor to attack? the others, so he wanted to catch him before that. He didn't think that would be a good idea.

On another walk through the forest, Edward did see them again. Excited, he made his way towards them. It had been a few days, so their wound should be much better now.  
“Author! Host!”, Edward called, and they turned around. Judging from how their eyes didn't search for Edward, he guessed it was Host, and Edward smiled lightly.  
“The Host greets Edward.”, Host said and smiled lightly, and Edward smiled back at him. He was glad to see him again, if only because he missed Host more than not.  
“I'm glad to see you again! How are you doing? How's the wound?”, Edward asked, smiling lightly as he got to Host, walking together with the other.  
“The wound is healing quite nicely, thankfully. The Host is doing alright, as is the Author, though the latter really wants to get his revenge soon.”, Host answered, and Edward hummed, nodding lightly.

“You don't seem so keen about that.”, Edward commented, looking over at Host. He noted he had a baseball bat with him, and used it as some sort of cane. Interesting.  
“The Host isn't. Remembering what has happened to them, he's more scared we'll get hurt again rather than getting the revenge Author is out for.”, Host replied and shrugged slightly.  
“And you don't remember who hurt you?”, Edward asked softly, looking a bit worried. Host seemed... really hurt by what had happened, and it worried Edward, knowing the other egos had hurt him.  
“The Host doesn't. He doesn't want to know either.”, Host said softly, his gaze on the ground, and Edward smiled softly at him, knowing his pain.  
“Edward knows, doesn't he?”, Host asked quietly, and Edward sighed, nodding lightly.  
“I do. I asked Author when I took you to the manor.”, Edward replied. Host nodded lightly, solem. Edward decided he shouldn't linger on it.

“What were you doing here?”, Edward asked instead. He'd talk with Author next time he saw him, he didn't want Host to feel worse now.  
“The Host was just taking a walk.”, Host replied, and the way he smiled made Edward glad he had decided to change the topic.  
“Oh, me too! I enjoy taking walks here, the forest is nice.”, Edward hummed, and Host chuckled softly, smiling. He was glad he had made sure Edward was safe in this forest.  
“The forest has a very soothing presence, the Host agrees.”, Host said, and Edward hummed in agreement, nodding.

Together, they walked a bit in silence. Just letting the sounds of nature wash over them, the two enjoying the other's presence in silence. It was nice like this, and Edward couldn't understand how the other egos couldn't believe Host existed. Well, he supposed if they had hurt Author, they wouldn't care.  
Host grumbled slightly, rubbing at his eyes, and Edward looked at him in worry.  
“Everything okay?”, he asked, the doctor in him wanting to help immediately.  
“Yes. The Author is merely trying to push the Host down again.”, Host replied, and Edward nodded lightly, though he was still a little worried.  
“Can you two push the other down whenever?”, he asked, wondering about how they worked. Author had already told him a bit about their workings after all.  
“Sometimes. It depends on the situation.”, Host replied, and Edward nodded lightly.  
“Can you go down willingly whenever you like too?”, Edward asked then. He would imagine if there was a situation that reminded Author of their trauma, Host would come out involuntarily.

“Yes, but we don't do it often.”, Host replied and nodded. He sighed, there wasn't really anything he could do but let Author out. And knowing Edward had interacted with him before, and seemed to be okay, he just hoped he'd be okay again with it.  
Edward just watched quietly in concern then, knowing he'd have to deal with Author. He wasn't sure how well they got along, but he just hoped for the best. The writer seemed a little.... unstable, sometimes, thinking back on their first meeting.  
When Author pushed himself up finally, he blinked, looking around for a moment, before he got his bearings.

“Hey Author.”, Edward said and smiled lightly, and Author nodded lightly, running a hand through his hair.  
“Hey Doc.”, Author replied and grinned slightly. He shouldered his bat, letting it rest on the shoulder not facing Edward, which the doctor kind of appreciated. It _was_ a weapon after all, and he trusted Author to use it.  
“How are you doing?”, Edward asked and smiled lightly. Author hummed slightly in return, thinking.  
“Pretty okay. I'm _really_ looking forward to bashing some brains in though.”, he said and laughed lightly. Edward licked his lips, fiddling with the labels of his coat. Of course. Author was a little....   
“I would really advise against that.”, Edward said, and Author scoffed.  
“I don't care what they did to me. They need to pay for it.”, Author muttered, and Edward was feeling that he couldn't convince Author otherwise.

“Alright. Any idea when, then?”, Edward asked instead. Maybe he could at least... he wasn't sure. Make sure no one got hurt too badly? That Author didn't get hurt? He wasn't sure. He didn't have any great powers that could help keep the man safe, but... well, maybe he could help in some way anyways.  
“Not too sure yet. In the next few days, perhaps a week or so.”, Author shrugged. He had to work on a strategy, though he was already annoyed by it and would _probably_ just rush head first in.  
“Alright. I'll try and not get in your way.”, Edward smiled lightly, and Author laughed, seeming genuinely amused. Edward was just glad to hear Author laugh, it seemed nice.

-

It was almost a week later, but not quite, when Author came to the manor. Edward was only alerted to it when he heard the commotion of Author's voice and... Silver? The doctor made his way out of the clinic to find them, seeing how Edgar joined, apparently also having been attracted by the noise.  
Author seemed to be struggling a little with the hero, though Silver didn't seem to hold back either. Edward kept out of the way, jumping slightly when Silver was knocked unconscious by the Author's bat. Edgar soon followed, and Edward felt the need to rush to them and make sure they were okay.

Author was breathing heavily, gripping his bat in both hands, and his golden eyes were flaming with the need to make them _pay_. Edward was worried Author would kill them, but he just stepped over them to continue down the hall. Seemed like the older egos were more important to be hurt.  
Edward watched as Author went into the common room, and he could already hear Google's beeping. Right. He had been there, having wanted to... Edward didn't remember, he didn't interact much with the android.  
There was the distinct sound of an aluminium bat clattering to the ground, and Edward made his way to the doorway, worried about Author. He _was_ fighting against an android after all.

Author was struggling, and Edward was really worried already, and then Google managed to grab one of Author's arms, and the second was quick to follow. And Author froze, eyes widening, before he struggled, breathing fast and _panicked_.  
“Let us go lets us go let us go-”, his eyes were unfocused and not looking around at all, and Edward _knew_ it was Host now. So the other egos truly had hurt them, hadn't they?...  
Google scoffed, and Edward heard the familiar ringing of Dark approaching from the other side of the common room -it was located between two hallways. The man must be angry, because it took a while for him to arrive after his aura had already sneaked into the room, turning it much colder than before.  
Host's breathing was rapid, he was panicking, struggling against the android's hold, but it was to no use. In his panic, he couldn't even use his powers to help himself.

“Back again Author?”, Dark asked, hands clasped behind his back, looking down at the other ego. Host was terrified, freezing in Google's grasp.  
“Seems like you haven't learned your lesson the last time, have you?”, Dark grabbed Host's chin, forcing him to look at him, even though it was painfully obvious Host was blind.  
“Pathetic, how you hide behind someone else now. No wonder you came back again.”, Dark muttered, and Host could barely get himself to breathe, shaking where Google held him.

Dark let go of Host and motioned with his hand for Google, and Google proceeded to basically _slam_ Host to the ground, kneeling over his chest and pressing his arms to the ground. Host's panicked gaze flitted around, having no idea what would await him now.  
“Stop!”, Edward yelled, hurrying into the room, afraid for his friend. Dark tsked, shaking his head, looking over at Edward in disdain.  
“Of course it's you.”, Dark said, and Edward glared at Dark.  
“I can't believe this! What have you _done to him?_”, he could see how absolutely panicked Host was, how _quickly_ Author had switched to Host, or rather, how quickly Host had been forced back into this trauma to protect Author.  
“To _him?_ What has he done to _us?”_, Dark countered, snarling, and Edward steeled himself. It didn't matter to him if Author had truly hurt the others, because Author and Host were _absolutely_ terrified of them.  
“I don't give a shit! He's _traumatized_, and _you_ clearly aren't!”, Edward exclaimed, getting a glare meant to kill from Dark in return.

A startled sound left Edward when suddenly someone else was holding _him_ back by the arms, and just by the scent of candy he knew it was Wilford who was holding him. Edward struggled against his hold, and he could see Host looking towards him, worried and panicked for his well-being, and Edward felt _terrible_.  
“Well, I'm going to make _sure_ we won't be bothered again by him.”, Dark said, and a cold and evil smirk found its way onto Dark's lips, making Edward's blood run cold.  
“What- what are you planning to do? What are you going to do?!”, Edward felt himself panic as well as he watched Dark walk over to Host, kneeling down next to his head. The way Edward was held and Dark was kneeling, it was obvious they wanted him to watch all that was happening.

Dark grabbed Host's head and made him face the ceiling, the blind ego's breathing getting quicker and more panicked again as Dark kept his hand in place. He couldn't do anything, he was terrified, his mind was empty besides the dreading feeling of _fear_.  
Dark's fingers ran over Host's skin, making him shudder, and Edward couldn't do anything but _watch_. Watch whatever Dark was about to do.

Dark grinned, the look unnatural on his face, and he plunged his fingers into Host's eye. Host screamed, back arching off the ground from the pain, and his legs kicked out wildly, trying to get away, get away from the pain, from what was happening, his screams filling the room and the hallways, going through Edward's bones.  
The doctor couldn't help but watch, horrified, slack in Wilford's grip as Dark squished Host's eyeball with his fingers, blood running down his face. Screams dying down to pained sounds and whimpers as Dark pulled at what was left of Host's eye, pulling it out.  
Edward could see the optical nerve coated in blood, the red liquid dripping from Dark's fingers as he just _yanked at it_, making Host scream in pain once more, until it ripped and the monochrome ego could drop what was left of the goop of an eyeball, landing with a wet sound on the ground.

Edward was horrified, watching Dark effectively blind Author and never allow them to see ever again. Just mutilating him like that, making him go through this much pain. Just _ripping out his eyes_.  
Host barely got any time to calm down when Dark proceeded to plunge his bloody fingers into his second eye, ripping out another blood-curdling scream from Host, as Dark proceeded to rip out his second eye just like the first.  
“There we go.”, Dark said and chuckled, uncaring about his bloody fingers. “I don't think you'll be troubling us again, will you?”, he asked with a smirk.  
Host couldn't answer. His breathing was shaky, and he was limp beneath Google, blood steadily running down his face.  
Dark _laughed_, standing up and shaking his head. “Thought so.”, with those words, he motioned at Wilford, who then let Edward go.

As Dark left the room, and Google got off of Host, Edward ran over, falling to his knees next to Host.  
“Host? Host, are you-”, Edward was panicking maybe just a _little bit_, and he carefully felt for Host's pulse and checked his breathing. Host's lips moved, but he wasn't saying anything, and Edward was terrified that Host's brain got damaged from this.  
“I- okay- come on. I'll- I can...”, he _couldn't_ fix this, but he could make sure Host wasn't going to bleed out here, and he could make sure Host would be safe from the other egos.  
He carefully picked Host up, cradling him against himself. Edward was shaking, and he was _scared_, and he really didn't want to stay in this house anymore. But, first things first, he had to take care of Host. And he had his little clinic here, and had everything he needed here for that.

Edward couldn't stop his trembling as he worked on Host, carefully sedating him so he didn't have to go through any more pain, and make sure to get the tissue Dark left behind in Host's sockets out, until it was all as... as best as he could get it, he supposed, before bandaging Host's sockets tightly and hoping the blood flow would stop soon. He had injected some clotting agent too, just in case.  
He was terrified of staying here now. Keeping some food in here, he locked the door, and just hoped no one would try and bother him. He knew a door was no problem for most of the other egos, but... it gave him _some_ sense of security at least.

“How could... how could they do this?..”, Edward was having a crisis over this. Even if Author had hurt them before, everyone was still alive and healthy, and not mutilated or anything. Nothing that would give a reason to do this to Author and Host.  
They had hurt him before, had traumatized him so badly Author's brain had made Host as a defence mechanism, and now Dark had ripped out their eyes. And for what? For what exactly?  
He couldn't stay here. There was _no way_ he could stay here. Surrounded by such people? No. No, he couldn't do it.

“I hope.. I hope you'll be okay. As okay as you can be with this situation..”, Edward murmured, looking up at Host. He had had his head in his hands, unbelieving on what he could ever do now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me if anything else needs to be tagged please!
> 
> so yea this took a twist lol  
just because i got this idea of what the trauma was author went through that caused host lol :)  
anyways i really like this because who doesnt like pain and suffering? :D


	6. Have each other

Host's eyes didn't stop bleeding. Edward was at a loss, the only person he considered safe to be around, a friend, was still unconscious. It's been almost two days now, and Edward was scared. He just wanted Host and Author to be okay.  
How would they take this? Would Host take the brunt of it again? Would he remember that Dark had taken his eyes, or would that fall to Author again?  
Edward was really worried, and he wanted desperately to talk with either of the men again, see how they were, if they were-.... they surely weren't okay, but... as okay as they could be, at the very least.

There was some groaning, and immediately Edward looked up. He sat next to Host's bed, of course, needing to be there for when he might wake up.  
“Host? Author?”, Edward asked softly, and the blind ego shifted, slightly trembling hands rising to touch the bandages around his eyes.  
“It... it really happened?..”, they asked, and Edward nodded slowly.  
“Yes. I'm- I'm so sorry, I couldn't stop them. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything.”, Edward was near tears as he spoke, and they smiled softly, sitting up carefully.  
“It's okay. The Host reassures Edward they'll... they'll survive.”, Host said softly, and Edward sniffed, nodding lightly. He gently took Host's hand, squeezing it, and Host seemed to relax a little bit.  
“I'm here for you, for both of you, okay?”, Edward said softly, and Host nodded lightly. He shifted slightly, his eyes were throbbing, but he knew Edward was saying the truth. He'd be there for him, and he wouldn't be alone. But...  
“Edward?”, Host said softly, and Edward hummed, nodding lightly as he looked up at Host.  
“Yes, Host?”, he replied.  
“How will Edward be there for the Host and Author if they're not in the same place?”, Host asked softly, and Edward could just _feel_ the pain Host was in emotionally.

“I'm not staying here. If... if it's alright, I'd like to go with you. I can't be around these people. I _can't_.”, Edward replied softly, and Host seemed to relax a little, nodding.  
“The Host would greatly enjoy having Edward with him.”, Host said softly, and Edward smiled, happy. He would feel much better having Edward with him, not being alone. And it seemed like Edward would feel much better being with him as well.  
“Thank you.”, Edward said softly, squeezing Host's hand lightly, and Host smiled softly.  
“There's no need to thank me.”, Host said softly. Edward gasped softly, and Host giggled lightly, finding it really adorable how surprised Edward was by him using first person.

“How are you feeling?”, Edward asked then, back to doctor mode. He needed to make sure that Host was okay, as okay as he could be with his eyes taken.  
“The Host... his eyes hurt a lot. His powers are... strange. And... Author...”, Host trailed off, and Edward got worried even more.  
“What's with Author?”, he asked softly, gently encouraging Host to continue speaking, but only if he felt comfortable to.  
“I can't feel his presence.”, Host said softly, and Edward squeezed Host's hand, looking worried.  
“I'm sure it'll be okay. You've just gone through a huge trauma, and you're the one... who protects Author from it. He'll come back, surely. Once the two of you are... more accustomed to this.”, Edward said softly, and Host nodded lightly. Of course it worried Edward that Author was gone, but... he was sure that Author would come back. Host was the one protecting Author from the trauma they went through, so this would be the same.  
Surely.

“Is anything else hurting?”, Edward asked softly then. Google had held him really painfully from what it had looked like, and he _knew_ Host had bruises on his arms and back -of course he had checked, he was a doctor and had seen it happen, he needed to make sure nothing was broken or something- but he needed to know if Host was in pain because of them.  
“The bruises hurt some, but the Host is fine. He doesn't believe there's anything else bothering him.”, Host replied softly, and Edward nodded. He was glad there wasn't anything major bothering Host, and that the only real problem were his eyes.

“The Host would... like to leave as soon as possible.”, Host said then, looking towards Edward, and the doctor could see fresh blood soaking into the bandages. He worried, but he also knew there was nothing he could do but change his bandages. Maybe the bleeding was triggered by something?  
“Do you think you can leave now?”, Edward asked, voice soft, worried. Technically, there was nothing holding them back. Host was used to being blind anyways -god Edward was afraid _why _he was blind- and some bruises wouldn't stop Host from leaving. They _could leave_. Right now.  
Host licked his lips, fidgeting where he was sitting in bed. They could leave. Nothing was stopping them. They could go to his cabin, where they would be safe from the other egos, safe in his forest, safe in his cabin.  
“Let's go now.”, Host said quietly and nodded. Edward smiled softly.

-

They were walking through the forest together, Edward holding onto Host's hand as the blind ego lead them, quietly mumbling to himself. Edward only carried a backpack with him and a little messenger bag, one for some clothes, and the other was just filled with medical things. Mainly as many bandages as he could find, clotting agents, and this and that.  
He didn't think he'd miss the manor, nor the egos. So what If Author had hurt King and the Jims? Dark had literally ripped out Host's eyes, and had _enjoyed it_. Edward didn't want to be in the same place as him.

When they finally stepped into the clearing in which the cabin was, Edward looked around curiously. The cabin wasn't big, but it seemed cozy, homely, and it seemed safe. Somehow, it seemed safer than a big manor could ever seem.  
“We're home.”, Host said softly, and Edward smiled, gently squeezing Host's hand. He knew they'd be safe here. He didn't know why, or how he knew, but he knew. They'd be safe from the other egos here.  
“We're home.”, Edward agreed softly, nodding.

The cabin wasn't bigger than it fist appeared. It was one hallway, of which there were four doors. Host let Edward explore, vanishing behind one door.  
The first door Edward entered, was a big room. It held a lot of bookshelves, and a desk, and Edward could almost _feel_ the power radiating off of the whole room, settled over it like a heavy blanket. He supposed this was where the Author wrote, then. Seeing his name on most of the books, he supposed he was right.  
The next door was the bathroom. He found Host here, at the sink, staring at his reflection -bandages down. Edward left him there alone, just noting how small the room was -it had a toilet, sink, and shower. That was it.  
The next door was on the opposite wall, Edward making his way up one way and down the other. It revealed a bedroom. A big bed, closet, drawer, bedside table. Edward saw scraps of paper and pencils laying around the room. Inspecting them, he found bits of... narrations, he supposed. He wondered if it was Author writing things to change reality. Sometimes it seemed like it, writing the curtains closed or something.

The last door was another big room. It entered into the living room, and Edward could see into a small kitchen. More bookshelves, but not Author's books. Edward saw they were braille, making him smile softly. More scraps of paper everywhere, more pencils and pens, but Edward took it as normal. The fridge and storage closet were filled, which didn't worry him much, and was actually calming.  
He didn't want to leave this cabin for a few days, until they had figured out more about Host's eyes, and... well, just to get used to being here. Out of his little clinic, away from the other egos, in a quiet forest he knew he was safe inside of.

He hummed lightly, deciding he could make some food. It was late, but he didn't care. He hadn't eaten a proper meal the whole day, pretty much the last few days since Author came to the manor. And surely Author and Host hadn't eaten in just as long.  
So he grabbed some fresh vegetables and meat and started cooking, humming to himself. He wasn't an amazing cook, but he could make something edible that tasted alright at least.

Host joined him after a while, and Edward smiled softly at him.  
“What are you doing?”, Host asked softly, walking over to Edward. His bandages were messy.  
“Food. Dinner, maybe?”, Edward replied with a smile, a soft chuckle leaving him as he looked at Host. “I'm certain neither of us had eaten something proper for a few days.”.  
Host chuckled softly in reply, smiling softly, and Edward was glad to see him smiling, even if only a little bit like this.  
“True. Thank you.”, Host replied, sitting down at the little kitchen table. Edward smiled, glad that Host seemed to be at least a little better.

They enjoyed their company in silence then, Host softly mumbling to himself, and Edward cooking. Once he was done, he plated some food for the both of them, setting the plate and cutlery down. Host thanked him him softly, and together, they ate.  
“It's not bad.”, Host commented, and Edward laughed softly.  
“Thanks. I was trying not to make it inedible.”, he said, which caused Host to giggled slightly as well, which made Edward smile.  
“It certainly isn't inedible.”, Host said, and Edward chuckled, smiling.  
This was nice. It was domestic, in a way. The two of them sharing a meal, talking, spending time with each other. Just being in the others presence, in silence, was nice as well. Edward was glad, he liked Host, and he liked being here as well. He liked being around Host.

Once they were done eating, Edward put away the leftovers, and Host cleaned their dishes -of course they had a dishwasher, but there wasn't much to clean, and Host wanted his hands busy.  
Edward helped put the things away then, before he looked at Host, noticing the bandages slipping slightly.  
“Let me redo your bandages.”, he said softly, and Host fiddled with his fingers.   
“The Host doesn't mind how they are.”, he said quietly, and Edward laid a gentle hand onto Host's arm.  
“It's okay. I saw your eyes before, remember? I'll make sure your bandages are nice and tight and no blood will bother you.”, Edward murmured, and Host relaxed slightly, nodding.  
“Okay.”.

Host sat down again, and Edward went ahead to grab fresh bandages and a cloth to clean Host's face. Gently unwrapping the bandages Host had somewhat messily tied around his eyes, Edward gently and carefully cleaned his face properly, before wrapping his eyes nice and tight to make sure no blood would drip out from it.  
“There we go. All better?”, Edward asked with a smile, and Host blushed slightly, nodding. It was weird, strangely intimate, but also really nice. Edward was very gentle, and very caring.  
“The Host confirms that it is better than his messy attempt.”, Host replied, and Edward chuckled softly.  
“I'm glad I could help.”, he hummed, smiling. He yawned then, rubbing his eyes. He hadn't slept much while he had waited for Host to wake up, scared that something would happen while he slept. Little naps didn't count on getting proper rest.

“Doctor Iplier should go to sleep.”, Host said, and Edward snorted, swatting his hand at the blind ego.  
“No. Do not.”, he said, and Host would've rolled his eyes if he could. Host stood up, and gently grabbed Edward's hands, making him look at him.  
“The Host is getting Edward to bed now.”, Host said, and Edward made an indignant squeak when the other ego began walking backwards and tugging on his arms, making him follow along.  
“Alright alright!”, Edward followed Host, though the other didn't let go of his hands. Well, he let go of _one_ hand, still pulling Edward along with his other hand.

Host let Edward to the bedroom, and Edward looked at Host, concerned.  
“But it's your room.”, he protested, and Host was rolling his head in what Edward was assuming to be a gesture to replace rolling his eyes.  
“The Host doesn't use it much, and he'd prefer for Edward to have a proper place to sleep.”, Host retorted, pulling Edward to the bed, where he let go of his hand then.  
“And you? I want you to have a proper place to sleep as well!”, Edward was very much unhappy with Host's choices.  
“The Host-”  
“_The Host_ will go to bed right here next to me.”, Edward interrupted, huffing as he crossed his arms. Host fidgeted, clearly thinking, perhaps a little flustered about it.  
“Come on Host, the bed is big enough for both of us without even touching.”, Edward said, voice softer, and he looked at Host in the hopes of the other man just agreeing.

Host took a deep breath, before he sighed, licking his lips.  
“Fine. The Host will share a bed with Edward.”, he said finally, and Edward smiled, relaxing his arms. He was glad Host was going to stay and sleep.

-

It wasn't bad like this. Edward was happy with their little domestic life here, and they often took walks in the forest together -not straying from the cabin too far in the first few days, before they got more comfortable. But they made sure never to go into the direction of the manor.  
Host's nightmares concerned him, though. A lot of the time he woke up in the night due to Host waking from nightmares, and each time he did his hardest to calm him down and help him. He would guess he dreamed about his traumas, but he also couldn't know.

Edward was gently hushing Host, running his hand through Host's hair. The blind ego was clinging to Edward's chest, bandages soaked with blood, as it slowly ran down his cheeks.  
They had found out Host's eyes bled more when he was very emotional, or used his narrations too much. He mostly just used them for his sight, though he was experimenting.  
“It's okay Host. It's okay. You're safe, in your cabin, with me, Edward.”, Edward murmured softly, and the other sobbed, shaking. Edward wrapped his other arm around their middle, pulling them close.

“D-doc-”, they sobbed, and Edward held them a little tighter. Host never called him doc, but Author had. It's been a few weeks by now, two or three, and Author hadn't shown up before.  
“I'm here. You're safe.”, Edward whispered softly, hoping to help them calm down. No matter if it was Author or Host, he was there for them.  
“It hurts....”, they whimpered, and Edward pressed a soft kiss to their forehead.  
“What hurts?”, he asked softly, hoping he could help them calm down.  
“My hands...”, their voice was shaking, and Edward felt his heart ache for them.  
“Your hands are okay. You're not hurt.”, Edward murmured, gently reaching to take both of their hands, pressing kisses to the scars on his palms. Maybe they were dreaming of that.  
“Why did he do that?... It hurts... I'm sorry...”, they whimpered, and Edward gently carded his hand through their hair again, keeping both of their hands against his chest.

“It hurts.... Doc, it hurts...”, Author sobbed, and Edward pulled him close against himself, uncaring about the blood.  
“I know. It's okay. You're safe now, and the pain will leave.”, Edward murmured, and he longed to have been there when they had hurt Author like this, when they had hurt him so much he suppressed his memories and let Host deal with them instead.  
Author was quiet for a few minutes, and Edward just held him close, petting his hair, humming softly to help him calm down.  
“I was just curious.”, Author mumbled quietly, and Edward looked down at him, not saying anything in case it'd upset Author again.  
“I just... wanted to know what they did. I was new, power new, I just...”, Author sniffed, and Edward pressed a lingering kiss to Author's hair, hoping it'd help calm him down.  
“It's okay Author. I'd never be mad at you.”, Edward murmured, and Author whimpered, pressing his face into Edward's chest.

He just had been drunk off of the power he had had. That was the entire reason for him hurting an ego. They had been close, easy to get ahold of, and he just wanted to see what his powers could do.  
“He stabbed my hands.”, Author said quietly, and Edward held him just a bit tighter against himself. “Plunged knives right through them. Embedded into a wooden bench.”.  
Edward didn't like where this was going. Dark had stabbed Author's hands -which explained his scars. And... embedded them into wood beneath his hands?  
“I couldn't- I couldn't get them out. I was _stuck_. Kneeling- kneeling on the ground. Hands bleeding, stuck in place.”, Author's voice started shaking, and fresh blood was beginning to seep from beneath his bandages.  
“He kept me there for _days_. Days. D-days.”, Author laughed, wetly with sobs, and Edward hurt for him. He couldn't imagine it. Being trapped somewhere for _days_, with hands _stabbed_, no one there to take care of it, make sure it healed right. No wonder it scared so badly.

“He- he kicked me out. Literally. Pulled- pulled the... the knives out, and then. Then _kicked me_. Until I- I managed to g-get out.”, Author managed to get out between sobs, and Edward held him as close as he could, one hand on the back of Author's head, pressing him into his chest. Author was clinging to his shirt, sobbing.  
Edward couldn't believe how _horrible_ Dark was. Author had hurt the others, and of course that was bad, but... what Dark had done was extremely terrible. Hurting Author so badly, leaving him scarred forever? Probably having starved him for those days he kept him trapped by his hands?  
“I'm sorry.”, Edward murmured softly, pressing another kiss to Author's hair. “He'll never hurt you again. No one will ever hurt you again. I'll protect you.”, Edward murmured softly. He would never let anyone hurt Author again. Not as long as he was around, and cared about him -and he neither planned on ever leaving Author and Host, nor on ever stopping caring.

It took a few minutes before Author was calmed down again, breathing calmed and bloody tears stopped. Edward gently scritched at Author's scalp, fingers burying in his hair.  
“It's going to be okay.”, Edward said quietly, gently tilting Author's gaze up. The blind ego sniffled, still holding onto Edward, but his grip gentler.  
Edward gently pressed his lips to theirs, uncaring about the blood, before leaning his forehead against theirs.  
“We're safe out here. We have each other now. I'll protect you both, Author and Host.”.  
“Thank you...”, Author murmured, and a soft smile graced their lips.  
“Host thanks Edward too.”, Host added softly, for once the two of them not fighting, and Edward smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh yeah, end ?  
i just wanted this to end happier, and i wanted to at least have the one scene with author  
which also created host, btw  
they're safe, they're happy, and everything's dandy!  
i hope you liked it :')


End file.
